Nine Days + Nerves

Let me be real for just one second.


I am MTC bound in 9 days, and if I sit and think about it for an extended period of time, I start to freak out. No sugar coating here. I am scared to death. I am just supposed to leave home (which I've never done before) for 18 months, with only email connection once a week? HELP. 

I hear all these future sisters talk about how excited they are and how they can't wait to leave, and I'm over here like, NO. Can I do this?! I know, I know... I can. BUT CAN I REALLY?

Guys. It's hard. Like, harder than I expected it to be, and I know this is nothin. I mean, I haven't even started my mission yet! And maybe it's because it was such an out of the blue, spiritual slap in the face when I knew I needed to serve. Maybe it's because I don't feel as prepared as I should be, or maybe I'm just scared because I just am.

SO. What calms me down? As silly as this is... chocolate milk. Yep. You read that right. HEAVEN BLESS THE CREATOR OF CHOCOLATE MILK. Every night I make a glass of chocolate milk. The kind with the chocolate syrup (because it's better that way), and I drink it real slow, and my anxiety, my nerves, my doubts, they all disappear. It's magical.

But if we are being real here, I'm like... 27% excited and 73% nervous/scared.
Is that normal?

YES IT'S NORMAL. You future sisters... Don't let anyone tell you it's not! I've totally had to comes to terms with it being okay to feel this way. It's okay to be nervous! This is something you work for for a long time, and now it's your time to accomplish it; to go out and serve the Lord with everything you have. IT'S A BIG DEAL. Deep breath. Okay.

Now, I've made it clear I'm scared, but I truly am so excited.
You guys! I get to live in the south for 18 months, (which HELLO! That's my blood down there!) doing the most incredible service for the Lord! That's something to be pumped about. I get to share happiness with people, and watch the miracles of the Lord.

James M. Dunn once said that "Above all the benefits and blessings of missionary service that come into the life of a missionary--and that which brings unparalleled peace and comfort to the soul--is the testimony which comes to him, perhaps not all at once, perhaps line upon line. (See Isa. 28:13.)" The Blessings of Missionary Service

In the talk The Blessings of Sharing the Gospel given by Elder Carlos E. Asay, he shares seventeen blessings that result from missionary service.

1- Leadership Training
2- Building the Kingdom
3- Preparing a People for Christ's Second Coming
4- Memorable Experiences
5- Establishing Abiding Friendships
6- Developing Love and Understanding of People
7- Rendering Service
8- Being a Peacemaker
9- Developing and Polishing Character
10- Forgiveness of Sins
11- Growth of Testimony
12- Companionship of the Holy Spirit
13- Closeness to the Lord
14- Growth in Faith
15- Growth in Knowledge of the Gospel
16- Peace of Conscience
17- Joy

These are all things I am ecstatic to gain, and so excited to work for. And I truly believe these blessings will come by being a member missionary also.

One thing I know is that no matter how scared, how nervous, how inadequate, how unprepared, and how hesitant I may feel, I will NEVER be left to do this on my own. And for that knowledge, I am beyond grateful!

TALLAHASSEE: It's gettin real. And I'M COMIN FOR YA.

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